Do you think, that there will be stars afterwards? That when you close your eyes and shut the door behind you, there will still be light to extinguish?
I think there will be, because I need the starry night to let you go.
They are memories. Shining, pulsating and brilliant memories. The stars are the dreams you can no longer hold. The dreams you have lost. Once, I wrote you constellations. I put them up above your bed and watched how their lights faded as the years passed by.
The starry night reminds me of the scans the doctors made of your body. The bends and milky ways inextricably intertwined through bright points. Undeniable beacons of light, like arrows by the side of the road. They would shine on your syndrome and you lit up like bright night, a sky full of stars. Again and again. I pushed my fingers against the heavens and knew that one day the stars would fall. When you were not looking, I caught them for you. You can hold them, when it gets dark.
One by one, until your heart stops beating.
I am with you when the doctors disconnect you. Needles from your hands and cords from your face. You are an astronaut, detached from your mother ship. Nothing is holding you anymore and no one is there to hear your silent screams.
Lonely you will not be, because I create a new starry night, for you alone. I cut the heavens from your night blue pajamas and from the wedding dress I will never wear, I cut the stars. I gather flowers that smell like you and ribbons as blue as your eyes once were. The books that stood beside your bed, I leaf through them, looking for dreams. I could build a galaxy with forgotten fantasies, but instead, I build it with memories.
Stars are born, as the fire strengthens. The flames will cherish your body. You do not have to be scared, because I am with you. I see you and watch a world perish. Memories turn to ashes, as “I love you”s in my hand. I hold you, I keep you warm and I give you this last gift.
I open my hand and the stardust glides over night blue satin as my hand over your eyelids. You open your eyes and you see you are no longer alone. You are surrounded by the most beautiful, brightest color in an undiscovered galaxy. Memories of me fill up your heavens, flow through you and light you up. Burning stars that will never fall, but will light your path forever. After years of brilliant sheets, colorless fluids and automized breaths, you return home.
From now on, you do not feel pain anymore. Only the purest joy, in the shape of ten thousand stars in the night sky.
Do you think, there will be stars afterwards? I close my eyes and shut the door behind me. I think there will be stars, as long as I love you and I see you, every night I look at the starry night. Wait for me, because our story is to be continued.
The image is a painting by Dutch artists Vincent van Gogh, titled “Starry Night Over The Rhone”.